Swallowing Your Own Breaths In An Attempt At Asphyxiation

You eat the first waterlogged words of the day for breakfast with a plastic spoon after they start to disintegrate into smaller and smaller particles in the small puddle outside the place you are currently living.

You wish you were your words, but instead use your fingers and the sunlight to make different shadow puppets that don't remind you of anything in particular, just dark blobs.

You should be a dark blob, sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean so no one can pick you out in the darkness.

Maybe then you'll be able to relate.

Or just develop a taste for seawater and allow it run down your throat.

Allow it to revitalize/corrode your vital organs so you can feel naturally happy for a moment, but only a moment.

Because you can't escape this shitty motel room life, which is why you are pulling your teeth out and carving statues out of them.

Carving statues of the people you aspired to be, but they are all coming out shitty, and unintelligible.

Broken.

You're not avoiding people, you just are scared to run a razor blade down the center of your skull because it would allow people to peek inside, which will make them hate you.

So you stitch yourself up with some neon green fishing line, and tell them what they want to hear because you're not in a position to give advice.

Because you can't even remember your own dreams, just random facts accrued from late night television, which are as useful as a hole punched into drywall to relieve the pressure that built up behind the center of your forehead.

And you want there to be a reason behind everything you're experiencing; there isn't.

So you rake the hot coals out of your eyes and accidentally set the entire world on fire.

Don't worry, everyone will be invited.