Saturday, June 17, 2017

Father



I wish  I could dye my hair
to feel better about myself
because somebody thought
I looked like you,
but my darkness
is more complicated
than that.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

6/14/17

i cant concentrate on my mood swings,
they're just something i have
no control of.
sitting around,
in a bedroom
after watching a eighteen
year old sucking
a hard cock,
face covered in come, just
feeling alone
and guilty.
what can i do?
except put it all behind me,
and absorb
the chemical deficiencies
until they become something beautiful
that i can tolerate.
an explorer splunking
the depths of his own
neurochemistry
until he dies from
the pressure.
not feeling
a goddamn thing.
consumed by angels
flying to heaven
with my guts
dripping fluids,
locked in their jagged
teeth.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

splashing cum stains on a washcloth as i waste away in the night

when i studied
the geography of her body,
i became hopeless.
i am not
a cartographer;
i am shit.
sitting in the dark,
stuck in the routine,
i will tongue kiss her ring
to demonstrate my
dedication
as a busy body
coming down.
trying to control
her breathing.

Friday, June 2, 2017

fuck that


"That there was no such thing as a 'drug problem' or even 'drugs'- unless anything anyone ever did or thought or felt was considered a drug and a problem" -tao lin

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

i wish i was eaten on t-rexplanet.com

i whisper,
"words are just words,
and promises are just promises.
just a sleight of the tongue
and language. and the people who
say they care about
and love you
are the ones who can least be trusted.
friends.
ex-lovers."
as i close my eyes
feeling the time pass
while i can't fall asleep.
always believing they
are as empathetic
to me as i am to them.
playing the generous
sympathetic shoulder
to cry on, acquiescent
to all her/his demands
after one guilt trip,
and pluck on my heart strings.
i put them above yourself.
deluded.
i am shit.
a stupid cliche.
repeating the same mistakes
without any reward.
without feeling better.
like being at a party
where everyone is super fucked up,
you don't know anyone,
and even though you want to leave
you stay cause there is
nothing better to do,
but if i were you i'd still be throwing up.
tomorrow, if i get up, i won't be motivated
to masturbate, and will probably sit in silence.