aborted my great grandmother with a gasoline douche and random office supplies just so i would never exist.

😻

my goal in life

is to be put into a coma

for the rest of my life span

so i could start over

because i
can escape
everyday
without
having nervous
breakdowns.

and in my dreams
i go over to a illiterate obese
girl's house
who offers me
twinkies and cherry cola
and wants to
fuck.
richard simmons
is on the tv
talking about
the secret to 
"perfect buns"
as she pulls
her panties
down
and picks up
a chainsaw.
her pussy smells bad
which makes me vomit
on her collection of 
childhood dolls
and teddy bears.
so she saws off 
my left hand
and
claims my right eye
from its socket
as recompense,
making us even,
before i walk out the door.

i make it to the train tracks
and get drunk
under the highway
alone in the dark.
i haven't eaten in
three days but 
nothing 
really
matters
anymore.
i smash a couple empty
bottles against the concrete
wall
guilty for fucking
up the earth
a little worst
than it already was.
i lay across the tracks
with my legs
spread open
like some
unconscious
16 year old girl
about to get stripped naked
and
raped
in an unknown bedroom
at a party
by some dumb fuck jock
who's a senior
and is going to get away
with it
because he's the star running back
on the football team.
as the twelve approaches
with two large stones 
on my chest
and a lit cigarette
smoldering 
between my lips.
i wait,
waiting for
the warm sensation
of being cleaved in two
my body penetrated
by heavy steel.
but the wheels of the train
miss
and squeal past
in a incomprehensible
blur
on the other set of tracks next to me.

always the fuck up.

i get up
with the understanding
of my hatred towards people,
even the people in my head,
and my longing to be
with at least one 
of them.

😻