Thursday, August 31, 2017

aborted my great grandmother with a gasoline douche and random office supplies just so i would never exist.


my goal in life
is to be put into a coma
for the rest of my life span
so i could start over
because i
can escape
having nervous

and in my dreams
i go over to a illiterate obese
girl's house
who offers me
twinkies and cherry cola
and wants to
richard simmons
is on the tv
talking about
the secret to 
"perfect buns"
as she pulls
her panties
and picks up
a chainsaw.
her pussy smells bad
which makes me vomit
on her collection of 
childhood dolls
and teddy bears.
so she saws off 
my left hand
claims my right eye
from its socket
as recompense,
making us even,
before i walk out the door.

i make it to the train tracks
and get drunk
under the highway
alone in the dark.
i haven't eaten in
three days but 
i smash a couple empty
bottles against the concrete
guilty for fucking
up the earth
a little worst
than it already was.
i lay across the tracks
with my legs
spread open
like some
16 year old girl
about to get stripped naked
in an unknown bedroom
at a party
by some dumb fuck jock
who's a senior
and is going to get away
with it
because he's the star running back
on the football team.
as the twelve approaches
with two large stones 
on my chest
and a lit cigarette
between my lips.
i wait,
waiting for
the warm sensation
of being cleaved in two
my body penetrated
by heavy steel.
but the wheels of the train
and squeal past
in a incomprehensible
on the other set of tracks next to me.

always the fuck up.

i get up
with the understanding
of my hatred towards people,
even the people in my head,
and my longing to be
with at least one 
of them.


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