You think: "Lucky."
You think: "It's only a matter of time."
You think: "Just another thing I want, but can't have."
You think about jumping into an empty, freshly dug hole, burying yourself, and putting a sign out in front of it, which says, "Sorry. Occupied."
Then you go home, feel like shit, and flush yourself down the toilet because you don't want to be a burdened to other people.
You ever wish you could escape in to the woods and never see any one again? If the world was hit by an asteroid tomorrow my job reminds how pointless and worthless it is. Jobs make life shittier. I don't care about living and at the same time I do. I look for other humans to connect to, but hate them at the same time. I hate feeling like a fucking contradiction.
ReplyDeleteyes. every day i have off from work, i usually will go for a walk in the woods, since there is a state park five minutes away from where i currently live. Today, at my job, I had to work a 3-10 shift by myself, which happens at least every two weeks. All i could think about was stealing all the money/gold/valuables that exist in the world, put them in a rocket, and shoot them into the sun. I feel the same way, which is what drives me crazy. Everyone is a walking contradiction, but I think it's good to be aware of it, instead of being ignorant and naive.
ReplyDeleteBTW: I'm going to start to work on your book later this week. I just need to write this long piece that has been on my mind cataloging my whole romantic history.
and i been going through a nervous breakdown over the past couple of days, which is why i haven't gotten to your email or been writing.
ReplyDelete