This Isn't About You

"i am sad."

Walking around with you.
Finding myself sitting on staircases
Smoking cigarettes,
One after another,
Not knowing anyone,
Apologizing for vacant
Disinterested expressions.
Assimilating with shadows,
As you perform for strangers.
I'll play with a hot pair of pliers.
Gripping each fingernail tightly
Before peeling it off with a firm tug.
Before you puke in an alley
and tell us,
"Yo take me home. I'm sick."
I never wanted to be here.

"u r breaking my heart."

I think if you went to the cardiac care center at the hospital,
They would tell you it's your diet.
Plus, we're not really in love.
Because we're not really married.
Your face is a guilt trip 
Exploiting my generosity.
And I just want some time to myself
Without the self-loathing.
I'm sorry for never being able to say the right words
to make you happy.
My tongue is retarded.

"i am turning my phone off and not talking to you or anyone today."

Thank you for being mature about this.
Thank you for not overreacting.
Thank you for not acting melodramatic.
Thank you for not posting this on facebook.
Thank you for holding me after I got kicked out of my parents' house.
Thank you for being yourself and not acting differently in front of other people.
Thank you for making me feel like a cat, slack-jawed with matted fur, a half-eaten eye, and a broken spine decomposing in a stagnant puddle between the white lines of the highway and the rumble strips.
Thank you for listening to me, instead of talking about yourself.
Thank you for never saying thank you.
Thank you for never trying to make sense of it.
And thank you for the sincerity in your apologies.

Don't get too excited or upset
Because this isn't about you.
.