my future + the game of life:

I will go to college and graduate.

I will be a travel agent who will make $100,000 per pay day.

I will marry a pink piece of plastic and we will have twins, a boy and a girl. I won’t remember the birth, the pregnancy, or the sex.

I will win $50,000 on the lottery.

I will pay off my $40,000 in student loans.

I will have a midlife crisis. I will change careers (travel agent -> athlete), and make $80,000.

Someone will steal my car.

I will buy a mobile home.

It will get flooded.

But I will be insured.

I will forget about my wife and kids. They will be bored to DEATH in our orange station wagon. And I will feel bad about it after they start to smell because they passed their expiration date.

I will tear up the cardboard road spinning 8's, 9's, and 10's.  

I will retire in the plastic mansion at millionaire estates with $3,500,000. I won’t donate it to charity.

The Reason: I WON MOTHERFUCKER.

Then I will have nothing to do

So I will kill myself.

I will be buried in a plastic bag.

The other retirees will melt me down and use my periwinkle blood for war paint.

And I will think,

“Shit, that wasn't so bad.”