my future + the game of life:

I will go to college and graduate.

I will be a travel agent who will make $100,000 per pay day.

I will marry a pink piece of plastic and we will have twins, a boy and a girl. I won’t remember the birth, the pregnancy, or the sex.

I will win $50,000 on the lottery.

I will pay off my $40,000 in student loans.

I will have a midlife crisis. I will change careers (travel agent -> athlete), and make $80,000.

Someone will steal my car.

I will buy a mobile home.

It will get flooded.

But I will be insured.

I will forget about my wife and kids. They will be bored to DEATH in our orange station wagon. And I will feel bad about it after they start to smell because they passed their expiration date.

I will tear up the cardboard road spinning 8's, 9's, and 10's.  

I will retire in the plastic mansion at millionaire estates with $3,500,000. I won’t donate it to charity.

The Reason: I WON MOTHERFUCKER.

Then I will have nothing to do

So I will kill myself.

I will be buried in a plastic bag.

The other retirees will melt me down and use my periwinkle blood for war paint.

And I will think,

“Shit, that wasn't so bad.”

 

Ideas for New Spaces to Introduce in "The Game of Life"

Cheated on your wife/husband when you were fucked up with a stranger who wasn't really that attractive and now you have herpes. Miss your next three turns.

Uh oh, rehab. Miss your next six turns because you're a fucking drug addict.

Killed yourself by stabbing your heart repeatedly with a steak knife you got from the kitchen. You lose, so put your pieces away, and leave the room.

A major car accident caused by a drunk driver, and now your kid is a vegetable. Lose 90,000 dollars every turn for the rest of the game.

Joined a gang, shot someone in the face during an attempted armed robbery, got arrested after popping a few rounds off at the cops, and have to do fifty years in the state pen. Wait until everyone finishes the game, then you can start playing again, except you can't make over 40,000 dollars.

Oh no, you've been laid off. Lose job and salary. Collect unemployment of 5,000 dollars on each turn until you can find another.

Heart attack! And diabetes due to a fast food diet. Pay 120,000 dollars every five turns. Collect 200,000 dollars on this turn  from impending lawsuit against a burger chain.