i understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore.

my alarm clock goes off,
and i punch it in the face.

smashing my head
against a brick wall,
trying to breakthrough, and always failing.
blacking out,
and waking up
alone
saturated in a pool
of cold sweat
and partially coagulated blood.

a dented forehead.
a cracked skull
exposing the thought of
you in the front
of my mind.

fuck.

i repeat the process
over and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over,
and over,and over
again with the same results.

you watching.
you crying
as i hit the floor.

negatively affecting you.

i'm passed out
while you're
on your knees
next to me,
cleaning my wounds with
your delicate tongue.

fuck.

i wake up.
alone.
and realize i am an equation:
(piece of shit squared multiplied by the square root of manipulative bastard equals motherfucker.)

i wake up.
alone.
and repeat the process again,