a piece about a band i like, my last time in vermont, how three of their members hate me, how one is one of my best friends, a lesbian goose that also hates me, a person named natty who acted nice but hates me, james spurloc, kombuk, how much i love him. sucking dicks of bands who are on record labels, kombucha juice, the basement that phish played their first show in, being different to be different, which makes you the same, anxiety, depression, suicide, survival, appreciation, and why i will never be a successful artist. cigarettes, drugs, beer, and stray kitty cats will be included. sorry no sex or twitter, facebook, snapchat or any other social media.
and maybe a ghetto bible of self loathing for people who liked to be by themselves except for every now and again.
2017 is the time to die.
or maybe none of it will.
maybe it's time to quit.
just look at facebook posts, or twitter (even though i don't do that or any other social media.)
watch commercials.
watch people's lips turn gray in your car while making gurgling sounds as your driving while trying to give sternum rubs, and contemplate calling 911 before they come too after five minutes.
work a pizza delivery job 60 hrs a week.
realize you are alone most of the time, hate most people, but still want some human contact.
the few people you care about have their own lives, are busy, and don't owe you anything.
sit at dunkin til 5 am and observe. people falling asleep and getting kicked out. or getting into arguments and getting kicked out. or just absorbed in their smart phones battling over the sigle two outlets then leaving.
then go sleep in a hotel parking lot for the next six hours.
never being productive, or have ever created something that mattered.
it's all bullshit.
maybe it's time to quit.
when something is bad most people just state the obvious, and repeat that what is bad is bad. no one ever offers solutions. and the smart ones that do, their solutions will torn apart by some bullshit that really doesn't make sense so they fall on deaf ears, and nothing is done. open mindedness is dead. it's all about confirmation bias.
so hard to cope anymore. so hard to create.
maybe it's time to quit.
because the two questions i ask myself everyday that i find harder and harder to answer are: what's th point? and why does it matter?
I ask myself the same questions. Part of me clings to the hope that there's other people who might make life more meaningful. Reading your stuff makes me realize I'm not the only person who feels the same. I have no clue what I'm really living for. People for the most part are awful but there are some who make it better.
ReplyDeleterecently, i see a miniscule difference between my current life and being dead. just get up, go to work, get out of work, go to the doughnut shop to use wifi, leave, park in a parking lot, sleep in my car, hope no one bothers me, repeat. day after day. i have no direction or purpose. people are awful, but being alone all the time is just as awful. it's a contradiction that i have trouble coping with. if i ever become finacially set, which will never happen, but if i do i'm going to start a commune in a remote forest in british columbia for people who don't like being around other people except every now and then. it will have bad ass wifi, and people could be left alone to work on their art or do whatever they want, then hang out with other people whenever they want to. we can also search for bigfoot too. you're invited to join. i'm glad you still read what i write and that it has that impact on you. been thinking no one reads this anymore which is whatever. it's not like i advertise or use social media to promote my shit cause i am not comfortable with that, and want people to find my art and like it on its own merits than manipulate people into reading it. i write for myself, but if someone else can be entertained or relate to what i write, that is just an awesome by-product. but if this blog ever blew up, and i became famous, i would kill myself. how have you been lone coug? i think of you and the adventures you go on from time to time. hope you are doing well. you are one of the first, and maybe only person who has kept reading what i have wrote and never left. i care about your well being. because people like us are rare breeds.
ReplyDelete