know my name and all my hideous mistakes

(art by: elly dallas)

i complain.
late at night to no one.
in the dark alone.
"why don't you know my name?"
tomorrow something else will.
come up.
even though i
haven't dealt with what happened today.
time has no breaks/brakes.
so i curl up on the driver's seat
with a black denim jacket over my head.
waiting.
for what?
i don't know.
just something.
to pull me up.
to shake me awake.
to kickstart my lungs
into breathing.
it's so quiet
when you spend
most of your life trying
not to make a sound.
and no,
i don't trust you.
and no,
i will never believe a word you say.
and no,
i will never understand people who are happy.
but maybe there's a cure.
every night before bed,
under my breath,
i rejoice
and simultaneously
curse your name.
it's quiet.
and
i'm tired.