to all the lovers that will never love me and friends who stopped talking to me.

maybe it was just bad timing

or you were 

there

and 

i was

here.

i don't have much to offer

except some pennies i picked off the ground

jangling around in my pocket

along with a lighter,

a pack of smokes,

some scraps of papers,

old faded receipts for 99 cent cans of iced tea,

pepper spray,

car keys,

and a pocket knife.

i suture my mouth shut whenever

i had an important heartfelt message

or statement to say.

and you can't save me

when i can't save myself

or even know who the fuck i am

so how will we ever get to know each other?
how will we become friends?
go on adventures?
reminiscence about unforgettable days or nights spent together? 

or fall in love?

have sex?

make plans for the future?

make it through a job interview without having a full blown panic attack?

get a well paying job?

buy a house?

have a family?
reunite with people from the past at back yard barbecues,
talking about the days gone by as our kids do cannonballs
off the diving board into our in-ground pool, or have pretend wars on rafts
with water balloons and squirt guns, before drying them off, putting them to bed,
and talking about our current lives over beers in the flickering lights of citronella candles?
growing old together?
going to each other's funerals shedding tears while giving eulogies?
finally dying in peace life fulfilled?

i'm sorry.

i have problems,

and the answer is we won't.
i won't.

i am just a burden to the people i care about,

and the people that care about me.

it's only a matter of time before i go past the edge of your event horizon.
it's only a matter of time before i become a hole in your memory
and disappear forever without a trace.