It doesn't make me happy when people shake my one hand and put piece of paper in the other, especially on stage. What would make me happy is if I could load my roscoe with my college tuition, cock it, pull the trigger, and pop the stacks of bills through the proud eyes of my parents/guardians. Through the sanguine mouths of my class. Through the clapping the hands of the audience, who is properly dressed for the occasion. Through the empty briefcases of job recruiters. And through the elaborately decorated robes of the faculty.
Doing this, swallowing k-pins and smoking a Camel.
The body count is high.
It ruins the pageantry of the ceremony.
And no one outside this room gives a fuck.
A handshake and a piece of paper that has letters, printed in a fancy font, and signed by a person who is the president of a college, doesn't mean shit.
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