“So What Have You Been Doing with Your Life?”

I am a motel on the side of a highway with a sign that advertises “ACANCY” in pink neon glow. The owners/employees are too lazy/apathetic to replace the burnt out fluorescent tubes of the “V” which is caked in dust and numerous dead insects. There has been a sharp decline in profits because of a mass suicide involving an entire family—husband, wife, kids (1 girl and 2 boys, ages 5-17), aunts, uncles, cousins, a poodle, a goldfish, and both sets of grandparents— in room 8. Their bodies were discovered in individual blow-up kiddie pools—each pool occupied by a decomposing corpse and a yellow-bellied sea snake—by one of owners’ wives. She subsequently went into shock, got dizzy, lost her balance, fell into one of the kiddie pools, and was injected in her right arm with 2.3 CCs of venom. Water spilled on the carpet and a colony of mildew started to form.  It was a real fucking massacre, which had a run on the national news circuit until it was dropped because of low ratings. People didn’t give a shit anymore; they were more interested in seeing images of crushed brown bodies unearthed by orange clad safety workers from piles of broken concrete—two weeks after the mass suicide and accidental death there was an earthquake in Chile. Now, it’s two years later. No one gives a shit about replacing the “V”. The owner, whose wife had died, committed suicide by repeatedly bashing his head off the coffee table in room 3 a couple of months ago.  Families in minivans drive by because even though they stopped giving a shit, they still are uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping in the beds of this establishment. An establishment where people have killed themselves in the past. Free HBO and the lowest rates around aren’t persuasive enough to stop them from being scared. Instead, they’ll drive ten miles to a chain hotel with continental breakfast, stiff beds, an inground swimming pool, and safety. The remaining owners are thinking about turning the motel into a paranormal tourist trap, and are in touch with the paranormal investigators of that one reality tv show, negotiating an agreement for a one hour episode, which could air sometime next fall.

What have you been up to?

I’m sorry, that was a rude fucking question.