thought: 8/26/16

seriously considering if i can transform into a passable, attractive girl before the start of every shift at work with help at first before learning how to do it on my own so i can get more and better tips on my deliveries, instead of getting nothing on around 65% of deliveries, which is the current rate i'm running at now.

sex sells right?

and being a skinny white boy with a jovial attitude and smile isn't working.

reviews from a homeless junkie part 1: sex, heroin, and chef boyardee

Review of sex:

Overrated.

.5 out of 5 stars.

Review of heroin:

Literally the best. The FUCKING BEST!!! It will change your life forever. Take you to places you’ve never been before with people you would never speak to, and doing things you could’ve never possibly imagined. Nothing beats shooting up in a public gas station restroom or in a bathroom at your aunt’s house during a family function. Or scoring in a parking lot after waiting hours and hours for that call, and puking all over yourself on the drive up. Oh, the memories. A lot of people give it a bad rap, but all the problems I’ve ever encountered in my own experience are due to a lack of heroin, never because I have too much of it. Sure you could OD, but I mean who cares? I certainly don’t! I see it as an added bonus, because who wants to live until they’re 50? Not me!  And if you ever even consider hitting me with narcan, I will stab one of your eyes out to thank you. Anyway, the other benefits? It teaches you how to be resourceful. How to use a syringe, and find a vein better than a doctor. How to go without food and shitting for days at a time. How to burn yourself with a cigarette when you’re on the nod. How to become a better liar, which is an important quality in today’s society. And, in general, what is really truly important in life. If you have the means, I recommend you go out and get some heroin (junk, dope, down, horse, tickets, H, cheeseburgers, brown, tar, scag, blows, dark) now. Drop whatever the fuck you’re doing—I don’t care if you’re going on a run to stay fit, or tending your garden, or watching your football team lose game after game, or doing yoga, it doesn’t matter. Drop whatever the fuck you’re doing and go out and get it now!

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999⁹ out of 5 stars.

Review of chef boyardee beef ravioli:

Every time I buy this 80 cent gem, I imagined a MC coming out with a can to fog machines, bright lazer lights, and pyrotechnics at a rap concert, then screaming into the microphone, “YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE CHEF IS IN DA MOTHERFUCKING BUILDING!!!!”( or in my case my car), and the crowd going berserk like a bunch of caged reptiles on molly in the midst of a twenty four hour orgy. Ha ha. Okay, but always choose the ravioli over any other of the chef’s products, and never fuck with spaghetti-o’s—that’s pussy shit. Why? Chef’s ravioli’s are 15oz, compared to the 14.5 oz you get with the lasagna, spaghetti, and/or mac and cheese; I cannot speak for the beefaroni since they do not carry it at my local grocery connection. Also the ravioli has meat in the sauce as well as in the pasta, which I assume is a bit more nutritious and satiating. The last reason is the can is mostly stuffed with raviolis and the sauce is not used as a filler cough cough spaghetti-o’s with meatballs. They’re just great, and no stove, fire, or kitchen appliance is required, except for a fork or a spoon, but I guess you could just eat with your hands if you have to. The perfect meal for the broke hungry homeless person on the go.

4.5 out of 5 stars.

One of the Few Examples of When I Feel Like A Man

Lately, whenever I get aroused, a young black bull with bloodshot eyes, all black pupils/ irises, tongue slack hanging out the side of his mouth dripping with long stringy drool, and his big bull dick like a pendulum slapping against the skin on his underside, circling around in the center of an empty arena, kicking up dust, looking to gore the shit out of somebody is the first image that comes to mind.

 

The second is the bull’s red blood pouring like a busted pipe out of the wound created by the matador’s pica, as the blood pools around his body; his windpipe and nostrils wheeze and gurgle as he slowly bleeds to death.

sorry i'm nervous and don't know what to say or how to start this

Hi.

I write.
This is a place for me to show you what I write.
And for you to read what i write if you want to
 +
have nothing better to do
 +
cure boredom.

I will also post things that I find interesting because it will make me feel better about myself if someone comments on it because I need validation like everyone.

I also work at a deli in a grocery store in pennsylvania.
While I'm working, I think about all the random ways to get accidentally injured at a deli without being at fault. I also smile, slice, weigh, bag, and say, "Have a Great Day!"

It's like selling drugs, except you don't see very many hundred dollar bills
+
you have to put your hands near blades and hot oil
+
no getting high during your shift cause you're selling ham off the bone, american cheese, and bacon lovers turkey, instead drugs.

I graduated college and moved back home a couple of months ago.

I didn't get any sleep today because there was some guy using an electric drill because my parents' have to remodel every square inch of their house. Which means I'm tired.

"Have a Great Day!"